O my Lord, my God, my God. God, I hear You. I can hear You. I can hear You in my blood, in my skin, in my breath and my heartbeat. I can hear You; can You hear me? Can You hear my cries? Can You hear my words, do You even know I am here? Naked I have come to You, O my Lord, like a flower brought to the desert for its beauty and rarity but dying, dying in the heat and the power of the sun's rays. I am dying in the warmth of Your regard, O my Lord, brought low and shamed in the radiance of Your warmth and Your presence, left dizzied and shaking in the power of You, my God.
My God, how could You have forsaken me? How could You have left me there, alone and bereft, without her presence and her beauteous warmth to shelter me and guard me? I trusted in You but her face was Your face, her light was Your light; she spoke with Your voice and showed me her love which was Your love. I had turned from you, my Lord, but she brought me back to Your arms. How could You have taken that from me? How could You leave me without her to show me the way to Your splendor? I am no Job, with faith unshaken through my trials; I needed her faith to show me my own, needed her love to show me Your love. Lord, I was not worthy to receive her, but she said the word and I was healed. And then she was taken from me, O my Lord -- what do I have left? How might I feel Your love when my own sleeps with her in the cold, cold ground?
And so I have come to You, my Lord, O my Lord, to find your presence and ask of You my question: how could You have done such a thing? And I hear no answer from Your radiance, feel no response but Your cold disdain and hot power. You are so powerful, O my Lord, powerful enough to change the world with but one word, with but one gesture... so powerful, my Lord, and I can feel the power You contain, for Yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, now and forever, Amen. What could I do, if I had that power? Could I bring her back, or is she but a fading memory, distant and gone and living only in the scraps of voice I recall, the stray strand of her hair that still lies on the pillow she slept upon? Is there hope for me and my love, or is all that I have left the carrion comfort of Your touch and Your imperial regard? I pray to you, O God, my God, using the words she taught me, our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done -- Thy will, O Lord, and not my own, but O Lord, is it too much to ask for a blessing of Your power to do Your work? Grant unto me, O Lord, the power of Your hands, to do the work You have left uncompleted, to lift my hand and breathe back the life into her fragile heart. I have come to You, Lord, I call upon You in the name of all that is held holy.
Do you hear me, O Lord? Is my voice nothing but a single cry in the darkness to you now? God of Gods, Light of Light, true God from true God -- Lord, I believe now, I believe, I believe in You, I believe in everything that she ever led me to; how could I not, when Your radiance is before my eyes? I am here, Lord, I am before You, O Lord -- won't you finally love me now?
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